KARDASHIANS AND THE MANDELAS

Living in South Africa reminds me of some awful reality show like the American "Keeping up with the Kardashians"

Who these people are I have absolutely no idea.  I was at a friend's house and she happened to flick the TV onto the programme.  I tried to listen to the whiney voice but could not bear it for more than a few seconds.  I asked my friend to switch to another programme.

I don't want to keep up with them.  I wouldn't want to sink so low.  They remind of trailer trash.

They, like the Mandela family think that money makes up for class.  They trade on their parent's name.

MONEY DOESN'T GIVE YOU CLASS.  If you weren't born with it you can't cultivate it.

nokia phones

Nokia phones used to be fantastic.

In fact I have still got a Nokia 1610 lying around which still functions although the battery is dead and it only works when plugged into a power source. It doesn't do internet, take photos, mms, whatever.  BUT it does work with minimal pain and suffering.  I also have a 3200 which also works with minimal pain.  The ringer speaker is dead.

My new phone, a C3, is 2 years old is dying.  Soon it is going to either get a flying lesson with the aid of a baseball bat or possibly a coffin of resin and become a clock.  Try and open a message and it says "Opening Message" for twenty minutes, then the screen blanks out and you press the middle key and  nothing happens.  Then you press the back key and nothing happens.  Then you press the power button and it reverts to the main menu.  How the f**** h*** are you supposed to retrieve a message?

I cannot believe that Nokia, which was one of the best manufacturers of cellphones could have made such a piece of crap.  Now their new phones are owned by the other bane of my life - Microsoft.  So it is goodbye to Nokia from me.

The only good thing about this C3 phone is that it has a relatively good radio in it.  So it has been promoted to car radio.  Only good thing for it.

It is being replaced with a Samsung Pocket, which hopefully will survive longer than 2 years. The Samsung pocket has worked quite well for the last two months, although the factory settings required to log on to everything that it could and it blew R100 in a day.  SO its little extras got switched off.  I will log onto the internet, GPS, whatever when I want to and not when it wants to. Thank you very much.

Gerrys hostile

Nobody stays there because he is hostile

Gerrys Hostile Achnashellach

10 Style Rules Your Grandma Was Right About

With reference to Marie Claire

Dress to impress on every occasion. These days, dress code is something people take very lightly: but in your grandmas day and age, dressing up was taken very seriously. "The priorities were different back then,” explains Mad Men’s costume director, Janie Bryant. “I do love that about the period when people did dress for occasions. You'd dress for the theater, the grocery store, for dinner," she says. "The priority today is more about comfort than it is glamour."

Fashion happens four times a year, style is inherent: Although fashion today is largely driven by trends, your grandmas era was more about timeless style. “You have to interpret what’s hot to make it work on yourself,” says Rachel Zoe, celebrity stylist. “If tweed suits are in but you’re not a suit kind of girl, wear the jacket with jeans and a pair of Converses. The idea is that you wear it the way that becomes the most you.”

Red lipstick will brighten any outfit It’s amazing how a slick of red lipstick can instantly lift your whole look. You’ll notice that most grandmas never leave the house without it. “It's an elemental, visceral colour – a reminder of what's inside us," explains Dick Page, celebrity make-up artist and creative director for Shiseido, of this timeless trend. "I think red lips are symbolic of female strength."

Wear the right underwear for your dress. Underwear is probably the last thing you think about when getting dressed right? But, according to Bryant, it should be one of your top priorities. "I think that, for a woman, back in the 60s, it was a requirement that you wore your foundations. A lot of ladies wouldn’t think about going out of their house without their girdles," Bryant says.

Look in the mirror and take one accessory off before you leave the house. While we’ll happily shun the rule that your shoes and bags must match at all times, your grandma makes a good point when she says to keep accessories to a minimum. Overload on earrings, bracelets and a necklace and you’ll end up looking more like a Christmas tree. Instead, choose key pieces, such as a cocktail ring or a string of pearls, to dress up your outfit.

The tailor is your friend. How often have you bought something straight off the rack and thought, “this would be great, if only it was a cm shorter/longer/more to the right” and then never bothered to do it? The tiniest amount of tailoring can make a huge difference – just ask your grandma, who would have had most of her wardrobe specially fitted.

Details matter. Gone are the days when you could wander into a store solely dedicated to the art of the button. "During that period, there were definitely attention to detail with the care, right down to how a buttonhole was made," says Bryant.

Hats aren’t just for the races. While you might feel ridiculous wearing a hat anywhere but the racetrack, it was once a staple in your grandmas wardrobe. Take her cue and try it out for yourself: you’ll be amazed at how it can instantly dress up any outfit.

Silhouette is key. The female shape was celebrated in your grandmas era: the hourglass was the silhouette du’jour. Translate this trend to today by looking for nipped in waists and A-line skirts.

Your hair is as important as your outfit: We bet you’ve never seen a picture of your grandma with a topknot. That’s because hair was considered the crowning touch to an outfit: make it yours by running a brush through it every now and again. Also, dry shampoo is your friend.

Life is a bitch and then there are the beggars

Living in South Africa is wonderful.

Only in South Africa can you be insulted by beggars at the traffic lights.

If these beggars actually did something constructive I might give them something.  But all they do is stand there and say "Gimme."

Most of them make more money than I do  and I work hard for the little I do make.

I cannot find a job (according to prospective employers) because:

a) I am white
b) I am old (at 58)
c) I am female
d)  and one little employment "consultant" had the cheek to tell me I am too fat.

So I work doing deliveries and taxiing people around. I also teach people to use computers.

I am now so deep in debt that I am on the verge of being evicted.

MUSIC AND NARRATIVE

What is it with documentary producers?

They insist on adding crappy musuk to the narrative of a documentary thereby overcrowding the narrative with useless duff duff crap.

I don't have a hearing problem, merely that I have difficulty excluding the musuk from the narrative.

It detracts from the documentary not enhance it.  Most times when I hear the musuk I switch the sound off and watch the documentary sans sound.

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)

The missus bought a Paperback,

down Shepton Mallet way,

I had a look inside her bag;

... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well I just left her to it,

And at ten I went to bed.

An hour later she appeared;

The sight filled me with dread...

In her left she held a rope;

And in her right a whip!

She threw them down upon the floor,

And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;

I might have had a peek;

But Mabel hasn't weathered well;

She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;

Could not have been much grimmer.

And things then went from bad to worse;

She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;

A couple minutes later;

She put her teeth back in and said

I am a dominater !!

Now if you knew our Mabel,

You'd see just why I spluttered,

I'd spent two months in traction

For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked

Bent forward just a bit

I went to hold her, sensual like

and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;

My God what had I done!?

She moaned and groaned then shouted out:

"Step on the other one!!

Well readers, I can tell no more;

Of what occurred that day.

Suffice to say my jet black hair,

Turned fifty shades of grey.

Guides should tell tourism where to stick its Cathsseta

John Scott

August 13 2013 at 10:50

Guides should tell tourism where to stick its Cathsseta

A wonderful thing, bureaucracy. It can deprive people of their livelihoods at the stroke of a pen.

That’s what it’s done to hundreds of Cape Town tour guides who completed a three-year national diploma in tourism management at the Cape Peninsula University of Technology and have been working competently in the industry ever since, only to be informed by the Department of Tourism that their accreditation is now invalid.

Apparently they are no longer recognised as “legal guides”. They may not work unless they have a certificate from Cathsseta, which sounds like something you use for urine drainage but actually stands for Culture, Art, Tourism, Hospitality and Sport Education Training Authority.

What a lot of... not urine, the other substance!

Surely three years at a university should be sufficient to teach you how to show visitors the attractions of the Cape.

All you need do is swot up a bit of history, be knowledgeable about the exact state of the Robben Island ferry’s seaworthiness and when its next breakdown is likely, learn the difference between leucadendrons and leucospermums before taking your party to Kirstenbosch, stop them falling over the edge of Table Mountain, be able to expound on the relative after-tastes of Merlot and Pinotage, convince them that Cape Point is southern Africa’s most dramatic headland (even the Cape Agulhas two-ocean fanatics can’t argue with that), and Bob’s your uncle.

So long as they don’t think you’re referring to that Zimbabwean Bob.

Rather tell them you’ve met Nelson Mandela. That will impress them. They are not to know that nearly everybody in South Africa has met Madiba at some stage or other.

The diploma course graduates will be even better informed. But if they now try to impart their knowledge to paying guests, they are likely to be pounced on by the tourist police, or whoever enforces the tourism authority’s absurd edicts.

That wouldn’t have stopped me when, some 25 years ago, I proclaimed myself to be a “mountain walk guide”.

Having lost a parliamentary election as Prog candidate and been reduced to freelance work, I added that to the top of my letterhead, after “writer, editor and after-dinner speaker”, in the hope that I could also augment my income by taking visitors up the mountains I had been climbing as a man and a boy.

Alas, no one ever requested my mountaineering services.

Thank goodness my other abilities were more in demand, or my family would have starved.

I trust that my old friend Nachum Arnoni is not rendered penniless by the tourist licence fiasco. All Israeli tourists to the city know that in Nachum (who prefers to be known as Norman to his friends and whom my wife calls “Stormin’ Norman”) they have a tour guide who speaks fluent Hebrew. Which is not surprising because he was born and bred in Israel.

Another tour guide friend is Hugh Finn, who gained his accreditation after retiring as headmaster of St Joseph’s College. He reminded me that guides were also required to have a diploma in first-aid. I just wondered whether mental assessment fell within the ambit of first-aid, in which case all those guides put out of work might consider asking the tourism bureaucrats whether they wanted their heads read.

 johnvscott@mweb.co.za 

AFRICANISMS

THESE ARE SOME OF THE FUNNY AFRICANISMS I HAVE HEARD

My greatest inspiration is the SABC news who supply me with the whole gamut of Africanisms. Now that there is a new broadcaster – ETv they have a reporter who can really mangle up the language better than all the others put together. He supplies me with the best comments on the manglement of the English language in South Africa.

The new vocabulary

Akudimik edakashon - what you get at a You-no-vessity

Ammy - Old defence force

Appetite - Previous government

Bleck - opposite of white

Cazhoo-uleetees - injured peeples in Lesotho or ka creshes

Collision - Joining of two political parties

Comukabel - contagious

Cupa-seety - full up - No relation to cup a soup

Cussle - Very big building in Cape Town

Cut - you put it behind a donkey

Cut (ii) - Given for birthdays or used in place of money

Debbin - Large city in Kwazulunatal now called Ethikwini

Ditti-mine - Find out - determine

dittiman - Find out - determine

Doe - a hinged device in the wall

Edge - U are now edged to get an akudimik edakashon

Eesh - exclamation of disbelief along with hau or see-ree-us

Elijible - opposite of disqualified

Elegible - children not qualifying for AIDS treatment

Elly - not late

Errors - As in Ebbin errors (built up districts)

Eth - the weld

Extry mists - radicals

far-shit - Mussolini's party

feather (1) - "Sweddin is feather noth then Spen"

feather (2) - "I weesh to feather my studies"

Feenoomeeenel - Somehting of wonder

Fla - I pick a fla from the gaddin

Fot - Pick an argument with fists

Gaaps - Oh (as in radio report 16/5/03)

Gaddin - where you grow kebbi-jess and flas

Gennel - a sort of diary or an ammy officer

get - a hinged device in the fence

Gler - what a light bulb does

Gress - I will mo the gress tomorrow

Gudna - one who works in a gaddin

Hau - Exclamation of disbelief along with eeesh! or see-ree-us

hest - some people merry in hest

indid - sure

is-ten - where the sun rises

itch - as in "to itch his own"

jennel - kind of a diary

jenny - trip – travel from one place to another

Jock - funny story

Jonspek - South Africa’s largest city

Ka - four wheeled conveyance

Kagad - man who weches ka while you shop

Kennel - ammy officer

Kettle - large horned domestic animals

Kipper - e.g. a goal kipper, Gary Bailey

Kleenex - plesses where sick pipple go

Len - I len to read

Lenna - One who lens - old fashioned student

Leks - large patches of wutta

Lugger - A kind of beer

Maz - a planet near the eth

Med (1) - female domestic worker

Med (2) - menyoufekcha

Medda - illegal death at the hands of another

Mek - to manufacture

Mekky - Dirty

Menyoufekcha - mek sumting

Merry - join in matrimony

Messy - mercy

Mick - those who will inherit the eth

Money-sipallity - organization which looks after towns

Muk - to make dirty spot

Nak - nak on the doe to get in

No then - pertaining to the north

Nushnal putty - Now defunct political party

Ox-is - way to go in

Parrot tecksi - fast moving vehicles in dense traffic packed to the brim with 20 or more passengers

Pek - leave the car in a pekking pless

Pent - coat walls with pent and brush

Peppuss - purpose

Peth - To wok on the peth in the bush

Pet-orya - Now called Tshwane

Pisson - one men or wimen

Phlegm - the beginning of a kendel

Piples - lots of men and wimen

Piss on eth - peace on earth

Piss - symbolized by a white dove

Pless - either place or please

Poodle - small bit of wutta

Primma fukkie - legal term – prima facie – with evidence

Putty Sapatas - Those followers of the ruling class

Rayjim - bad ruling party

Ra-shit - don't like other colours

Reevers - flowing bodies of water

Seelee-bra-tees - Famous piple

Seevarettis - very bad

Sekkiterry - one who uses a typewriters

Sekritree - as above

See-reee-us - Exclamation of disbelief along with eeesh! or hau!

Sedgree - What doctors do to patients

Shap - expression of approval

Shucks - Really big fish with sharp teeth or the Natal rugby team

Sinns - what you see in the fillums

Sir-cum-stanses - Circumstances

So then - pertaining to the South

Sowthen - ditto

spikker - one who talks

Spots - Soccer, football, tennis, etc

Sabebs - Parts of a sutty

Strim - Small flowing water

Sutton - as in "are you absolutely sutton about it?"

Sutty - Large town

Tecksi - mini bus with 20 occupants or more

Tibbit - country in the Asian Mountains

Tocks - negotiations

Ut - Pentings, sculpture etc

Utiny - One who practices the lo

Veehackles - form of transport

Vee hi kills - a ka or a track

veh-heh-LI-ih-c-le - vehicle

Vest - as in "he is well vest in the ut of penting"

Wek - I wek in the gaddin

wistin - where the sun sets

woe - long lasting battle

wutta - found in poodles, reevers and leks

You-no-vessity - where one obtains an akudimik edakashon

molybdenum

This morning I had the joy of hearing a White South African Newscaster mispronounce the word Molybdenum as - wait for it:

Molly-bed-num


This person's name is Glenn Lewington of Classic Fm 102.7

It is bad enough that Classic Fm has two super intelligent black women commentators who mispronounce everything they can think of including "Spartial"for  Spatial.  But this is a white man who does the business section for Classic Fm.

If this is the standard of education of South Africans I am not surprised that they cannot get jobs in other English speaking countries.  My biggest peeve is that it is the public hearing these mispronunciations thinks that they are correct.  Another example is A-wry pronounce as awe-ry.

I have a personal collection of Africanisms which are far more fun than the old English Sow-theffrican Inglish of Rawbone Malongs "Ah Big Yaws" published in 1972.

I heard this on the bus, "You must go to You no vessity to git an akudamik edookashon."

Another:  The emmy kennel had a sekketerry who wekked on a compoota."

Again thank you Glenn for cheering up my day.

carrus onsulting

I wonder who does their proofreading.

Weltevreden ward at Krugersdorp hospital

Recently I went to the Netcare Krugersdorp hospital and burst out laughing when I discovered one of the wards was called:

WELTEVREDEN WARD

Weltevreden means well satisfied and those poor patients were anything but.  In the ward I was visiting were 5 beds. In bed A was an elderly man who looked like he was dead, Bed b had a body whose head was covered  by a blanket, Bed C wasn't there, Bed D was empty and appeared to be recently vacated and the man who I was visiting in Bed E had been in a car accident and was in a load of pain.

Well satisfied?  I think not!!

SA Health Department runs out of the Pill

http://www.pressdisplay.com/pressdisplay/viewer.aspx

Health Department denies severity of problem

SOUTH Africans should brace themselves for a population explosion as public clinics, particularly in Gauteng, have run out of the supply of contraceptives for sexually active women.

A senior government official, who refused to be identified, told Sowetan yesterday that the company that supplies public clinics had ran out of contraceptives.

The government supplies the public with Nordette and Triphasil contraceptive pills. “All we know is that the company is waiting for supplies from overseas and the little that they have inside the country has to go through a quality assurance test,” the official said.

Sowetan has learnt that there are 86 clinics in Ekurhuleni, and, according to the Democratic Alliance, all have no contraceptives.

It would take two months before they are delivered.

Dr Reddy, the company that supplies the contraceptives, said it was working around the clock to “close gaps ” which it hoped would be filled by the end of the month.

A manager at Dr Reddy, Nihar Patnaik, assured Sowetan that despite “slight” problems they had in July, the company would fill the “gaps ” before the end of the month.

Cape Town-based medical doctor Dr Lebogang Phahladira said problems that women who switch from contraceptive pills to the injection could face included unwanted pregnancy, bleeding, weight gain and the possibility of weak bone structure in the long term.

“Certainly, there are potential problems, especially unwanted pregnancy, ” Phahladira said.

National Department of Health spokesman Popo Maja said the department was not aware of a shortage of contraceptives in public clinics.

Gauteng, with the highest female population in the country, is hardest hit by the shortage.

Provincial health spokesman Simon Zwane denied that the shortage was severe in the province.

“There is a shortage of pills, but it is not on a large scale. Injections are available in clinics,” he said.

Of the three regions in Gauteng, Ekurhuleni clinics have no contraceptives on their shelves.

A member of the mayoral committee for health in the Ekurhuleni Metropolitan Council, Khosi Maluleke, yesterday admitted there was a shortage, but insisted that in some clinics contraceptives were still available.

“It is not all clinics that do not have contraceptives, and when there is shortage of any medicine from a clinic, they have a right to go and get what they do not have from another clinic,” she said.

Maluleke denied that all forms of contraceptives were not available in clinics. “We only have a shortage of pills, and we advise people who visit clinics to consider an injection.”

DA caucus leader in Ekurhuleni Shelley Loe yesterday told a council meeting that none of the clinics in the region has contraceptive pills and injections.

During the council sitting, Loe challenged mayor Mondli Gungubele to give her “straight answers on issues and not resort to your usual racist slurs and jokes to detract from the real problems facing very real women ”.

In his reply, Gungubele steered clear of the contraceptives topic.

Loe later told Sowetan that the shortage was as a result of nonpayment of service providers by the government.

ONLY IN AFRICA

A protestor at the Earthlife Africa protest against a planned coal mine in Limpopo.  I would agree to their claims if they could actually organize a protest without rent-a-crowd and did their posters properly.

http://www.fin24.com/Companies/Mining/Activists-protest-Anglos-dirty-energy-20130806

DEWEY SYSTEM

Recently I was in the local library where all the books are supposedly arranged by the Dewey System.

The funny thing is that the Dewey System starts at 001 - fantastic! This section of the Dewey System is for Knowledge which includes things of esoteric nature. So when computers came alon there was no space for the subject so the powers plonked it in the front at 000.

All well and good, but the fun starts when you put a book called "The mysteries of the Universe" next to "Networking made simple"

Today I see a book named "Hunting by Selous scout" next to "Art of criticism."

witch

This is exactly the way  I feel about folding washing!!!!

Milpark Hospital Netcare????

Today I had to take a customer of mine to Milpark Hospital in Johannesburg.

Firstly there is hardly any handicapped parking for cars without handicapped stickers.  God help those of us who are temporarily handicapped or are transporting handicapped people.

Secondly, when one can actually get a wheelchair from a locked off space they are barely pushable.  The one chair was missing a footrest and the other had a flat tire, making pushing very difficult.  Then try and push the chair through a doorway which has a fat pillar in front of it!!!

Thirdly, the lift has four buttons.  0 for ground, m for mezzanine, 1 for First Floor and 2 for second floor.  Now worries so far, but when one gets off at 1 and thinks that one can just go down three steps to the mezzanine floor,  Har har.  No you have to get back into lift and press M.  Super!!  

With said limping wheelchair turn right and then turn left through a narrow doorway barely wide enough for the chair.  Then you walk 57 paces (approx 50m) and then you come to a carpet covered ramp branching off to the left.  Push limping chair with loads of energy.  The orthopedic surgeon is at the end of this ramp and along a passage of about 5m with a locked door which requires a person inside to release it.  Pusher has to reach over passenger and pull door towards one and then somehow hold door open so the wheelchair can be pushed through without injuring the passenger.

My conclusion is that this maze of long passages was designed (if that is what is called) by a drunken architect with the DT's.

THE REAL REASON YOU HATE YOUR JOB

THE REAL REASON YOU HATE YOUR JOB

You make THIS mistake when you send your CV in

By Kelsey Tamborrino

Hate your daily grind? Blame your open mind. Being too flexible in your job search could lead to a 9-to-5 you despise, finds a new Belgian study.

Researchers surveyed more than 300 unemployed people and found that those who were willing to look outside their specific field, accept a lower salary, or consider a longer commute were more unhappy with their eventual jobs than those who stuck to their comfort zones.

While taking an accommodating approach can boost your odds of gaining employment, it can backfire when you actually get the gig: being over-qualified or under-experienced for your position leads to having a negative job attitude, the researchers say.

And when you wake up every morning dreading another day at the office, you’re a lot more likely to quit and end up right where you started: the unemployment line.

Narrow your sights to land a job you love, advises career expert Nicole Williams, connections director for LinkedIn.

Her advice: use the social networking service to do an advanced search for people who already hold the position you want at similar companies.

Don’t be pushy or ask for a job; instead, send a personal note asking your contact if you can pick his brain for a few minutes about what his day-to-day entails. You’ll make another connection and figure out which jobs are right for you.

RESIDENTIAL ESTATES

I find it ironic that all the rich "free" people of South Africa live behind high walls, burglar bars and security alarm systems while the thieves, rapists and murderers all walk free along the roads.

Was Nelson Mandela jailed for his "political beliefs?" - An extract from Bulala

toxic news


The following is an extract from Bulala: A True Story Of South Africa by Cuan Elgin :

It is a common misconception that the ANC’s leader in the 1994 elections, Nelson Mandela, had been jailed for his “political beliefs.” 

He was in fact acquitted of treason after a 4-year trial, but re-arrested a few years later, and sentenced to 5 years imprisonment for launching an armed insurrection (as founder and commander-in-chief of Mkhonto weSizwe, the ANC’s militant wing). 

He was then later charged with 193 counts of terrorism: for sabotage and for trying to smuggle, prepare, or manufacture (mostly Soviet-bloc) munitions, including: 210,000 hand-grenades, 48,000 anti-personnel mines, 144 tons of ammonium-nitrate, 21.6 tons of aluminum powder, 1,500 timing devices,b and 2,000 lbs. of black gunpowder. Among his many alleged co-conspirators were 3 'white' communist: Denis Goldberg, Arthur Goldreich, and Lionel “Rusty” Bernstein. 

Nelson Mandela’s personal Makarov pistol (“for killing white policemen”) which he buried in Rivonia before his arrest during the ANC’s “armed struggle,” was never recovered. These were clearly not “trumped-up” political charges. In his eloquent closing statement to the court, Mandela candidly admitted his guilt on the charge of sabotage, adding that he was, if needs be, prepared to die for his ideals. It was apparent from the huge amount of smuggled explosives that he was not planning to die alone.

Nelson Mandela was sentenced to life imprisonment; not summarily executed, as he undoubtedly would have been, in any black African country at that time, for the same offenses. Some made fanciful comparisons with the fate of plotter Guy Fawkes, who was burned at the stake for his failed attempt to blow up the British parliament in 1605. However Mandela conspired not just to bring down the government—he was planning on killing tens of thousands of innocent civilians in his quest for power.

DISPOSABLE NAPPIES (DIAPERS)

I cannot think of a more disgusting thing than a baby's dirty nappy.

Although nappies are necessary disposable ones are disgusting especially when the parents just throw them in the street instead of using a nearby trashcan.

These disgusting things are non biodegradable although their contents are. The must take up tons and tons of landfill.

There are alternatives out there. Granted all of them are reusable and have to be washed.  And most young mothers are just too plain lazy to wash nappies.

From wikipedia:

An average child will go through several thousand diapers in his/her life.^[25] Since disposable diapers are discarded after a single use, usage of disposable diapers increases the burden on landfill sites, and increased environmental awareness has led to a growth in campaigns for parents to use reusable alternatives such as cloth or hybrid diapers.^[26] An estimated 27.4 billion disposable diapers are used each year in the US, resulting in a possible 3.4 million tons of used diapers adding to landfills each year.^[27]

The environmental impact of cloth as compared to disposable diapers has been studied several times. In one cradle-to-grave study sponsored by the National Association of Diaper Services (NADS) and conducted by Carl Lehrburger and colleagues, results found that disposable diapers produce seven times more solid waste when discarded and three times more waste in the manufacturing process. In addition, effluents from the plastic, pulp, and paper industries are far more hazardous than those from the cotton-growing and -manufacturing processes. Single-use diapers consume less water than reusables laundered at home, but more than those sent to a commercial diaper service. Washing cloth diapers at home uses 50 to 70 gallons (approx. 189 to 264 litres) of water every three days, which is roughly equivalent to flushing the toilet 15 times a day, unless the user has a high-efficiency washing machine. An average diaper service puts its diapers through an average of 13 water changes, but uses less water and energy per diaper than one laundry load at home.^[28]

In October 2008, "An updated lifecycle assessment study for disposable and reusable nappies" by the UK Environment Agency andDepartment for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs stated that reusable diapers can cause significantly less (up to 40 per cent) or significantly more damage to the environment than disposable ones, depending mostly on how parents wash and dry them. The "baseline scenario" showed that the difference in green-house emissions was insignificant (in fact, disposables even scored slightly better). However, much better results (emission cuts of up to 40 per cent) could be achieved by using reusable diapers more rationally. "The report shows that, in contrast to the use of disposable nappies, it is consumers’ behaviour after purchase that determines most of the impacts from reusable nappies. Cloth nappy users can reduce their environmental impacts by:

• Line drying outside whenever possible
• Tumble drying as little as possible
• When replacing appliances, choosing more energy efficient appliances (A+ rated machines [according to the EU environmental rating] are preferred)
• Not washing above 60 °C (140 °F)
• Washing fuller loads
• Reusing nappies on other children.^[29]

There are variations in the care of cloth diapers that can account for different measures of environmental impact. For example, using a cloth diaper laundering service involves additional pollution from the vehicle that picks up and drops off deliveries. Yet such a service uses less water per diaper in the laundering process.^[30] Some people who launder cloth diapers at home wash each load twice, considering the first wash a "prewash", and thus doubling the energy and water usage from laundering. Cloth diapers are most commonly made of cotton, which is generally considered an environmentally wasteful crop to grow. "Conventional cotton is one of the most chemically-dependent crops, sucking up 10% of all agricultural chemicals and 25% of insecticides on 3% of our arable land; that's more than any other crop per unit."^[31] This effect can be mitigated by using other materials, such as bamboo and hemp.

Another aspect to consider when choosing between disposable diapers and cloth diapers is cost. It is estimated that an average baby will use from $1,500 to $2,000 or more in disposable diapers before being potty-trained.^[32] In contrast, cloth diapers, while initially more expensive than disposables, cost as low as $300 for a basic set of cloth diapers, although costs can rise with more expensive options.^[33][34] The cost of washing and drying diapers must also be considered. The basic set, if one-sized, can last from birth to potty-training.

Another factor in reusable cloth diaper impact is the ability to re-use the diapers for subsequent children or sell them on. These factors can alleviate the environmental and financial impact from manufacture, sale and use of brand-new reusable diapers.

Options as alternatives to disposable nappies:

List of cloth diaper types[edit]

• Terry Towelling Diapers – Terry diapers are large, flat square sheets of absorbent cotton material, which have to be folded and fasten together with safety pins. The towel like fabric is usually white in colour.
• Flannelette or Muslin Square Diapers – Flat square sheets of absorbent cotton material, which have to folded and fasten together with safety pins.
• Shaped Diapers – Flat Triangle, T-shaped, X-shaped, Y-shaped cloth diapers made out of towelling, flannelette or muslin coton material, fasten together with safety pins, velcro of poppers, designed to fit a baby without folding the diaper.
• Tie-Up Diapers – This type of cloth diaper has to be folded, it is fasten together by using the strings attached to the diaper.
• Flats – Flat diapers are a large, single layer, square or rectangle of absorbent cloth. Birdseye cotton or muslin are the most common materials used, but any absorbent material may be considered a "flat" if it is composed of one single layer. Flats may or may not be hemmed or otherwise finished at the edges. Flats must be folded into the desired shape before they are usable as a diaper.
• Prefolds – Prefolds are a rectangular piece of absorbent fabric that has been folded, layered, and then sewn so that the center strip of the diaper has more layers of absorbent material than the sides. This reduces bulk while still providing enough absorbancy where it is needed. Prefolds get their name because before their invention, flats were the common diaper type available. Flats require folding in order to obtain the appropriate number of layers of absorbent material in the wet zone. A "prefold" is pre-folded and sewn down so that less folding is required at the time of the diaper change. Prefolds typically have 4 to 6 layers of material in the center and 2 to 4 layers on the edges.
• Contours – Contoured diapers are made of multiple layers of absorbent fabric and are cut and sewn into an general hourglass shape. This is done so that no folding is required before they are ready to be used as a diaper and also to reduce bulkiness.
• Fitteds – Fitted diapers are hourglass shaped absorbent diapers that have elastic at the legs in order to better contain feces and urine. They usually also have a built in closure such as velcro or snaps that is used to secure the diaper onto the baby. There are several subtypes of fitted diapers including closureless fitteds (those that lack velcro or snaps), prefitteds (fitteds made from prefold diapers), and pocket fitteds (pocket diapers that use absorbent materials for all the layers instead of wicking or waterproof materials).
• Pocket diapers – Pocket diapers are hourglass shaped and have closures to secure them onto the baby (generally snaps or velcro). They consist of a waterproof outer layer and an inner layer that are sewn together on three sides to create a pocket. The inner layer may be made of a moisture wicking material or an absorbent material. The pocket is then stuffed with absorbent insert that can be customized based on the absorbency level required for each baby. The most common inserts are made of microfiber, bamboo or charcoal bamboo. One subtype of pocket diapers is the sleeve diaper, which is sewn only on two sides instead of three so that the pocket may be accessed from both the front and back of the diaper.
• All-in-one diaper – An all in one (AIO) diaper consists of a waterproof outer layer sewn together with absorbent material on the inside. There may also be an additional inner layer of moisture-wicking material. All-in-ones are hourglass shaped and have a velcro, snap, or other closure to secure them on the baby.
• All-in-two diaper – An all-in-two- diaper (AI2) is a diaper with two parts. An all-in-two diaper consists of a waterproof diaper cover with fasteners and an absorbent insert. The insert is a rectangle or hourglass pad of absorbent material, that may or may not have a moisture wicking material as its top layer. The insert snaps or lays into the cover and may be removed when soiled or wet. The cover may be reused throughout the day by replacing the insert at each change.^[21]